I’ve been missing for a long long long time yes? Well I apologise because I really never took the time to think of anything to post. Well at least not up to now. Have been doing quite productive things during my month long break. And I realised I have pretty much many hidden abilities: for example, babysitter, counsellor, painter, stoner (not that i just realised that), telemarketing and some more that I cannot think of at this time.
Well I’m in pain. I have had a sore back for the past 3days. It is really painful. And it is taking quite some time to recover (sign of getting old??). I still dealt with the pain thru dance class, pulling my back straight and trying to keep a straight and nice posture, successfully made it through two hours. Made it thru badminton with ease oso..... but NOW..... i suffer..... PAIN LAR!!!
You know that when people are alone and quiet, they tend to think alot of things, they start self-reflecting about the things they have done, and the things that they have planned for the future. That is exactly what I have in mind.
The two very decisions that I have made and regretted in the past 8 months are haunting me. Not only have I lost the people that I once loved and who loved me back, I also lost friends after leaving that society. And the most regretted thing is that I decided to vent my anger and frustration on this blog, not knowing the consequences if the people I wrote about read it, I posted it up. If some of you may have read the post that I put up around January (it has been taken down since a while ago), I have to say that I wasn’t thinking rationally, and not only has that blog post hurt me, it has also hurt others, especially the one that I blogged as the subject. I’ve hurt her, the one that I cared for most at that time. Ever since then, things changed; changed drastically! What should I do to make things like it was last time? How the three of us talked, how we hanged out, how we were there for each other whenever one of us needed it. I sometimes look through the pictures that we took during the time we spent together and just miss the moments that we had. Truly memorable and definitely it cannot be brought back anymore, with him in Singapore and with her losing the trust, love and respect in me. They were the only true friends that I had; and I have lost them. I never really appreciated their advices and help. They tried so hard to talk me out of my negative-ness, and they always failed. I was too sensitive and I was too naive. I never really knew what was good for me and what was right. Sometimes I just hope that she knows how I feel and how I wanted things to be, but I know that will never happen. Perhaps it is all too late to say sorry and to mend things because things have gone differently. I used to be the one who she’d tell things, and now, nothing more than a simple hello said between us. Looking at how she succeeds in something that she is very good at just makes me happy. She is a very lucky person, many contacts in and around the world, with a wide range of friends, from local to foreign. I remember what she used to say “I treat everyone the same, I try to make them feel like home, I treat them truthfully with my heart and I know how to control myself” perhaps this was the essence that made her stand out from the others around her, and that is her character to make her so very lovable amongst people. Everyone likes her, EVERYONE. You can hardly hate her for her sincerity and kindness; you’d be a jackass to hate her. I am indeed happy that she is excelling in whatever she is doing and that she is improving day by day. If only I could’ve shared that moment with her. I think it would’ve been the best days of my life.
Sorry just won’t be enough to turn things around. I think I have to work for it; but I just don’t know how. Could someone tell me? Especially YOU (if you are reading this).
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